Depression is a gloomy absconding abyss. Depression is the loss of control. Depression is dark. This is the only way I am able to describe the feeling of being depressed. Many people prefer to compare depression and sadness. It's easy to spot the link however, I'm able to say that the time I was depressed, I never felt sadness. There were none of my emotions. Depression stopped me from feeling any emotions.
The truth is, I'm not certain what caused my depression to diminish. I was just trying to live a normal life and focusing on normal things such as school, work, and my family, but slowly I began feeling increasingly severe until eventually I felt convinced I'm not depressed no more. But, it was a 3-4 years process that started at the end of high school until college. There aren't any quick fixes It's a long journey that is constant work. When people inquire what I am depressed about, the sole response I have is " that period has been a very dark time in my life."
While I'm aware that I'm not suffering from depression anymore but it's apparent to me that there are remnants of it in me. Depression is a monster within me, which I've contained but it's waiting to break free and conquer. If I ever lose a bit of faith, I feel the cage weakening. Each time I am faced with a situation that seems impossible, I feel the beast's eyes glisten when it is time to break out. Every negative thought sharpens the beast's claws.
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The encased monster called depression which is inside me is not good however, I have discovered how to utilize this to benefit myself. When I consider losing hope, I realize that there's something inside me that is waiting for the chance to gain control. If I fall short in hopefulness, that demon reminds me that I am the most dangerous adversary. The essence of depression is a reminder not to let life slip away. It motivates me to strive to be the best I can be for myself since anything less than that could lead to a relapse back into depression.
Although it might sound like it that way, my depression isn't my sole source of identity, but it influences the majority of my decisions and actions. To better understand this take a look at the fact that physical and mental illnesses are not different (I've experienced both, so I can tell that you.) Both are likely to be debilitating, painful, and life-changing.
If someone suffers severe injuries to their body, it alters how they live their lives and their perception of life. For instance, when someone is injured his lower back while lifting something weighty, in the future they'll be aware of how to avoid this type of strain in the future.
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If back pain is persistent and recurring, he'll alter his routine to alleviate the discomfort. Mental illness isn't any different. When I was diagnosed I was able to live in a way that does not cause it. I'll remove any toxic influencers in my life. I'll push myself to be self-confident, and strive to meet my goals. Like someone who wouldn't take their back injury lightly and I wouldn't consider my depression lightly.
"When you've hit rock bottom, the only way to go is up." Depression is a psychological rock bottom. It's the reason I know that being able to feel emotions of all kinds at any level is an amazing thing. Growing older is a privilege that is denied to many. Being happy is a great thing for obvious reasons. A feeling of sadness is an honor because it signifies that there is something you should be down about. The feeling of anger is an advantage because it indicates you're human and have the passion to be devoted to something. Fear is a good thing since it signifies that you've got something to lose, and the list could go on and on.
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