panic, depending on the context. Some nights, you may wake up confused and scared if your dream was about cheating, an ex, or past trauma. On a better night, you may wake up on top of the world after a s e x dream about Rihanna. But according to clinical psychologist and sleep expert Michael Breus, s e x dreams of all kinds are perfectly normal and even healthy. "Erotic dreams appear to start when a child is going through puberty," Breus tells Allure. While Breus says most people have fewer Erotic dreams after puberty, they don't end there altogether. In fact, s e x therapist Holly Richmond says that about 80 percent of her clients talk to her about their erotic dreams.
You may be one of those people who doesn't dream much; on the other hand, you may be lucky enough to experience lucid dreaming. For many of us, the pandemic has even affected our dreams. But if you're worried about the erotic content of your slumber, the experts say common s e x dream scenarios include exes, celebrities, cheating, and can even be accompanied by orgasms. There are also nightmares that can be Erotic in nature but disturbing, especially if you are a rape survivor and experience PTSD. Or, you may simply unearth some new fantasies during your slumber and feel unsure how to navigate the experience. To better understand why we have s e x dreams, the different types, and what they mean, Allure spoke with several experts to break it down. Spoiler alert: The brain loves to dream about the forbidden.
S e x Dreams About Your Boss
Often we have s e x dreams about those who are off-limits, such as our boss or a coworker. These dreams are prevalent, says Richmond, but rather than indicating that you're actually lusting after your boss, the dream is likely about office power dynamics. "There's a relationship dynamic in which you need to control more, and it's getting played out Erotic . There's so rarely a real Erotic component to this. If you feel yucky when you wake up, trust that. You don't want to have s e x with this person, and there's some other dynamic," Richmond says.
S e x Dreams About Someone You Hate
Why would our mind waste our precious sleep by having s e x with someone we don't even like? Well, let's think about actual "hate lovemaking ." What comes to mind? You probably think of hot s e x with someone you don't like or are mad at, and during s e x , you get to expend that energy Erotic . Richmond says that, like with our bosses, when we have s e x dreams about someone we dislike, it's likely much more about power dynamics than actual s e x . "Dreams can communicate a lot — it's just not always a direct connection," Richmond says.
S e x Dreams About a Celebrity
s e x dreams about celebrities are widespread, according to experts. So what do they mean? Well, the answer here is pretty simple: They likely mean that we are attracted to that celebrity. "These can range from crushes to Erotic prowess and agency and feeling like we can get someone who is out of reach. Those are really common, too, and they're usually an ego boost," Richmond says. So what should we do about them? Have fun with them; it's unlikely you'll ever bang this celebrity in real life (sorry). And no, having s e x with a celeb in your dreams does not count as cheating.
S e x Dreams About an Ex
s e x dreams that involve exes are one of the most complicated to wake up from. Unlike celebrity s e x dreams, exes are people we usually have a very complex history with, and having them can result in complicated feelings. Ex-s e x dreams don't directly translate to wanting to have s e x with our former partner, but we usually dream about an ex with whom we have unresolved emotions. "There is some relational dynamic that needs to be worked out. What were you trying to communicate through s e x ? Do you want a new understanding? Did you want to take your power back? There's usually unfinished business, and it's not Erotic ," Richmond says.
S e x Dreams About a Platonic Friend
s e x dreams run on the forbidden. Michael Friedman, a sleep specialist and otolaryngologist says this is why we are more likely to have s e x dreams about exes, bosses, celebrities, and even platonic friends than the person we share a bed with. You may be attracted to this friend, or perhaps the s e x dream is simply happening because this is someone you can't have s e x with. Either way, don't worry about being a perv or about cheating if you're in a committed relationship. "It's very normal, and it's just human nature. It doesn't imply anything wrong or a conscious desire to be unfaithful; it's just part of being human," Friedman says.
Embarrassing s e x Dreams
Other times, we have dreams that feel like a Erotic version of being back at school, except instead of forgetting your homework, you are nude, and everyone is laughing at you. Richmond says examples include people waking up from a dream that they engaged in Erotic activities that they may never have thought of doing in real life, such as a gang bang or bukkake.
While for some people, such Erotic fantasies are totally normal (and others engage in them consensually), with this type of dream, the one doing the dreaming does not have any desire to engage in such scenarios. When they wake up, they are horrified. Our imaginations can think up a slew of scenarios, so if you have s e x dreams that leave you feeling shameful or embarrassed, remind yourself that it was only a dream.
s e x Dreams About a Gender You're Not Attracted to
Richmond says her office is filled with clients who have s e x dreams involving a gender they aren't normally attracted to. She says it's mostly straight women who have dreams about lesbian s e x , even if they don't actually want to be with a woman in real life. Many people enjoy adult with genders they don't date, and it's OK to be turned on by Erotic acts that don't match up exactly with your existing s e x life. However, if you are unfulfilled, as Richmond suggests, assess what about the fantasy turns you on and then find ways to integrate it into your relationship.
S e x Dreams About Your Partner
Yes, some people have s e x dreams about the person they are with, rather than a celebrity or the one who got away. However, Friedman says that as many s e x dreams contain a forbidden aspect, dreams about your partner usually occur early in the relationship or in situations where you are separated. "They are definitely more common early in the relationship or when the relationship is not readily available than for couples who have been together for longer periods," Friedman says. So what should you do if you're experiencing s e x dreams about your partner? Well, enjoy them, of course.
s e x Dreams in New Places
A public bathroom, your childhood home, a s e x party: Sometimes, s e x dreams take place in locations we don't usually go to get it on. As we've established, s e x dreams thrive on the forbidden. "There's usually an element of freedom, of wanting, of longing for whatever the situation is," explains Richmond. Is there a kink you want to try but haven't yet explored, such as exhibitionism and having people watch, or getting it on somewhere you risk getting caught? Use these Erotic fantasy dreams to gauge what you want and then apply them to your s e x life in a manner that's comfortable for you.
PTSD Dreams
Erotic assault is not s e x , and including PTSD dreams in this article is in no way meant to suggest such. However, one in every six women has been the survivor of a completed or attempted Erotic assault, and LGBTQ+ people are nearly four times more likely to be victims of violent crime, including rape and Erotic assault. So, because PTSD dreams stemming from a Erotic assault are common, we asked the experts about them.
"PTSD is an entirely different animal altogether," says Breus. If you have a dream stemming from a Erotic assault, perhaps "nightmare" is the better word. It's important to understand that you aren't alone. Richmond says she has clients who have PTSD dreams frequently right after the assault, and others still have them even if the assault occurred years ago. "It's the body processing something," says Richmond. "Typically, there is a little bit of difference in the dream, or the dream doesn't get far enough to its conclusion. It will be 'I was about to be raped by my perpetrator, and then I woke up,'" she says.
If you are experiencing PTSD dreams, you can call the RAINN hotline, and someone will talk to you or refer you to a therapist. You can also contact your insurance company to find an in-network therapist or do a quick Google search to see who is available in your area. "I remind them that at some point, they got away. They've changed, they're a survivor, and what happened to them is not their fault," says Richmond.
Orgasmic S e x Dreams
Let's talk about the most infamous s e x dream: the wet dream, which begins in puberty. "Within Erotic dreams are 'wet' dreams, also called nocturnal emissions," says Breus. "These dreams involve ejaculation during sleep, usually accompanied by a Erotic dream." Within Erotic dreams are 'wet' dreams, also called nocturnal emissions," he says. Wet dreams don't stop at puberty, and they don't just happen to people with cocks. Those with hymen may wake up in the middle of the night having an orgasm. Depending on where you are in your cycle, hormones may play a role, and Richmond says pregnancy can also induce them.
Dreams That Your Partner Cheated
A dream in which your partner cheated is not a pleasant experience, no matter how many times you tell yourself it was just a dream. But is your subconscious trying to tell you something? Yes, but don't panic just yet. "It does not mean that your partner is cheating, but it does mean you should talk," Richmond says. "I want people to trust their gut, but sometimes we overthink it."
Cheating dreams can indicate that you're worried or not entirely comfortable, but that could mean several things that manifest as cheating while you sleep. Richmond suggests having an open and honest conversation with your partner in which you tell them about your dreams and that you know it may not be a literal translation but that you are feeling anxious. Let your partner know that you want to check in to see how they're doing and how you both feel about the relationship.
S e x Dreams That Lead to Sleep S e x
Have you ever woken up in the middle of the night to find your partner initiating s e x , only not to remember doing so in the morning? Or have you been the sleep-s e x initiator? Friedman says that these s e x dreams mean someone is in R.E.M. sleep. "There are situations where people act out their dreams, which is not normal. People sleep-walk, sleep-talk, and do other sleep activities while they're sleeping. They are acting out a dream yet totally unaware of it. That is a R.E.M-state sleep disorder. All kinds of things can happen," he says.
Depending on your unique situation, you may assume your partner is awake and welcome the s e x . However, if you're uninterested, the R.E.M. come-on may be upsetting and open complicated questions about consent between you and your partner. If you or someone you know is experiencing this, seek a sleep specialist. Remember, regardless of what is keeping you up at night, getting enough sleep is crucial to your health and well-being.
If you're a survivor of Erotic assault and looking for resources, you can call RAINN at (800) 656-HOPE (4673). You'll be connected with a trained staff member from a local Erotic-assault service provider and given access to a wide range of free services. You're not alone.
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