These are my top ten tips for seeming intelligent in meetings.

Like everyone else, my main goal is to look intelligent in meetings. This can be challenging at times if you start thinking about your upcoming trip, nap, or bacon. Having some backup plans is a good idea in case something like this occurs. These are my top ten tips for seeming intelligent in meetings.

1. Draw a Venn diagram

 

One of the best ways to look intelligent is to get up and create a Venn diagram. Your Venn diagram can be really erroneous; in fact, the more erroneous, the better. Your coworkers will start bickering over the precise labels to use, the size of the circles to draw, etc. even before you set down the marker. You can now stealthily return to your chair and resume using your phone to play Candy Crush.

2. Translate percentage metrics into fractions

Say, "About 25% of all users click on this button," and then immediately follow up with, "So about 1 in 4," noting the statistic. Everyone will nod in agreement as they are secretly pleased and jealous of your rapid math prowess.

3. Encourage everyone to “take a step back”

In most meetings, there comes a moment when everyone starts talking except for you. You're surrounded with opinions, data, and milestones, and you're not sure which is your OTA's CTA. Saying, "Guys, guys, guys, can we take a step back here?" is a terrific idea at this time. Everyone will look at you in amazement at your ability to put an end to the argument. Say, "What problem are we really trying to solve?" in response, and presto! You've purchased yourself an additional hour of stylish attire.

4. Nod continuously while pretending to take notes

 

Keep a notepad with you at all times. We will respect your rejection of technology. Simply jot down one word from each sentence you hear to take notes. As you do so, keep nodding. Say right away that these are your personal notes and that someone else should really be recording the meeting if someone asks you if you are taking notes. Well done, buddy. You've avoided having to perform any further labor and saved your ass. or any effort at all, in the event that you're doing well.

5. Repeat the last thing the engineer said, but very very slowly

 

Note down the engineer's name in your mind. Recall their name. For the most part of the conference, they will remain silent, but when it is their turn to speak, everything they say will come from an unfathomably brilliant place. Let me just repeat that, they say, echoing the engineer's precise words but very, very slowly after they have spoken these heavenly words. The genius of that engineer has now been passed to you. When others reflect on the meeting, they'll wrongly believe that you made the wise remark.

6. Ask “Will this scale?” no matter what it is

 

Whatever you're talking about, it's critical to determine whether things will scale. That's a great catch-all question that generally applies and drives engineers crazy, but no one really knows what that means.

7. Pace around the room

 

Don't you show respect the moment someone gets up from the table and moves around? I am certain that I do. It requires a great deal of courage, but once you pull it off, you look like a wise guy. Put your arms folded. Move around. Step to the corner and rest your back on the wall. Let out a long, thoughtful sigh. I promise that everyone will be wondering what the heck you're thinking and will be pissed off. Bacon: If only they knew.

8. Ask the presenter to go back a slide

"Please go back a slide; I apologize." No presenter wants to hear those seven words. No matter where you say this throughout the presentation, people will instantly think you're paying more attention than they are since they obviously missed what you're going to make a wonderful point about. Have nothing noteworthy to mention? Simply state, "I'm not sure what these numbers mean," and then take a seat. You've gained the advantage of looking intelligent for nearly the whole conference.

9. Step out for a phone call

Most likely, you're scared to leave the room for fear that someone will believe you're not giving the meeting your full attention. Surprisingly, though, everyone will recognize how busy and important you are if you leave a meeting to take a "important" phone call. "Wow, this meeting is important, so we better not bother him if he has something even more important than this," they will say.

10. Make fun of yourself

Simply respond with, "I honestly didn't hear a single word anyone said for the last hour," if someone asks you what you think and you haven't heard anything at all during that time. Self-deprecating humor is a popular humor. Say something like, "God, I wish I was dead," or "Maybe we can just use the lawyers from my divorce." They'll believe you're the most stylish person in the room, laugh, respect your honesty, and maybe even get in touch with HR.