Things I Learned From My First Girlfriend
Not too long ago I started my first relationship with a girl I met online.
I thought she was perfect—very enticing, compassionate, and kind.
But not too much later I learned a simple truth, I didn’t really have a relationship with her even though I saw her and we talked and spent time with each other. There’s a saying, “Sometimes God sends people into your life to teach you a lesson,” and from this first girl, I learned my lesson—actually, four lessons to be exact.
1. Be in the moment with your date, not the future.
When I entered this potential relationship with her, I was bringing too much of my hopes and dreams into the situation and not just letting the relationship grow.
She told Pine Tree State multiple times, “let’s simply see wherever things go.” She conjointly told Pine Tree State, “I look a lot of at people’s actions to essentially apprehend them.”
As for me, i used to be already coming back into this hoping for and wanting a significant girlfriend, that she understood and was principally okay with.
But I was looking for signs in everything.
When we 1st met speech communication flowed well, and that we had some similar interests and backgrounds.
She even had the same Taiwan key ring that I had gotten when I traveled to Taiwan two years before.
At the tip of the date, i used to be bound I had found the one—big mistake.
I’m a planner and that i came into this with a plan: get a girlfriend, date her for two years, get married, make babies, stay together, and grow old together, just
like my parents did. Life apparently doesn’t work that way.
I now understand that you must be in the moment, not the future.
2. you need to be a woman’s friend before you'll be able to be her lover.
I return from a awfully masculine family—all boys, one father, one mother.
I failed to perceive this easy truth: ladies aren't lovely celestial beings United Nations agency grant joy, comfort, and heart to men United Nations agency area unit nice to them.
Women are individuals and they are not far off foreign entities escapable of comprehension.
They are folks that happen to be lovely to Pine Tree Staten like me, people with the same desires, hopes, and dreams as me.
Mentally, emotionally, and spiritually they are the same as me. And in the 21st century, things have changed.
I told her that I was her friend, but I didn’t treat her like I treat my other friends.
I didn’t specialise in being fun along with her, putting her at ease, making her laugh, and just making her feel good.
Instead, I focused on all the things I wanted from her. I tried to skip the friend-zone and go straight to the love/affection zone.
I tried to induce to the foremost sensitive space for a girl while not building the muse.
And so, I’ve learned, a strong friendship has to be there before the love can happen.
3. language i really like you while not building the muse sounds hollow to a girl.
On a cold winter day, I arranged a date with dancing.
I wore my nice suit, I bought her some gifts, and I said all the right things.
I told her she looked nice, I spoke softly and kindly to her. When we danced I led her gently, I laughed with her, and tried to show her what a great guy I was.
I had a plan that day, to tell her I loved her and to ask her once again for a committed relationship. I thought I was solid. We had gone out around nine or ten times and ten dates is around the time the “I love you’s” come out, according to dating blogs.
And so by the end of the date I gave her the gifts, and I looked into her eyes and said, “I love you.” I even kissed her hand and she was okay with that. She then told me, “I’m glad we were brought together.” I thought she was being a little shy even humble. But even in that moment, she was giving signs that things were not right. I wanted to kiss her, lips to lips, she would not let me. She did allow a hug. Again, I just thought I nailed it she was just being shy and a little overwhelmed.
But in a while, the hammer of reality swung and it swung down hard.
She texted Pine Tree State a month or 2 later asking Pine Tree State what I meant concerning amative her.
She asked me what love meant to me and if I truly knew her.
I told her that I felt powerfully concerning her which I’d do nearly something for her.
I was not lying when I said that, but what she said next really opened my eyes.
“What you’re feeling is infatuation. You’re in love with the idea of me. You don’t love me, you don’t know me, and I don’t know you. Love is something sacred to me. I’ve been trying to see if maybe I could feel the same way, but I don’t. We are not going to work out, good luck out there.”
I have never felt so angry and hurt. I thought I was doing everything right. I felt almost as bad as the day my dad died. It hurt that bad. Couldn’t she sense how I felt? Couldn’t she see how much I cared?
Since I had neglected that foundation—that true foundation of friendship—and tried to skip straight to the love and romance zone, she had no thanks to really gauge United Nations agency I
was as a person and if I could provide what sh
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